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| Jeanna feeding Mom her dinner just 4 days before she died. |
We have all the firsts to get through as well. I finally had a day when I didn't wake up crying...that was a first. I've also had a day when it wasn't the first thing I thought about that day. Another important first. It doesn't mean that I miss her less or love her less, just that some of the intese pain has served it's purpose so I can shelve it for now. I'm sure as we go through all the upcoming firsts this year (Thanksgiving, New Year's, Christmas, Mom's Birthday...) I imagine that intense pain may be taken down from the shelf and felt once again.
On Saturday, Jeanna is getting married. I imagine that the night will be bitter-sweet. She is marrying a man who loves and adores her and Mom will not be there (physically anyway) to celebrate with us. How I wish she could be there. She loved her kids and lit up when she was with her grandkids and great-grandkids. Her sweet face will sorely be missed.
And missing Jeanna's wedding...well, I guess that counts as a first.
I know that one day I will be saying that it has been 5, 10, 15 years since losing mom and in a way, I can't wait for that. Time doesn't heal, but what you do with that time does. Thank God that time just keeps marching on, giving us opportunity for healing and growth with each tic of the clock.
2 comments:
It will be 3 years for me on October 17. I still think about her every day. It does get easier, and this year I almost feel normal again (I also lost my dad that same year).
Good for you for blogging so much about your mom. As a society we don't talk about death and loss enough. You are helping many of us!
I miss your mom. She died less then a week before we moved here. I cried because I was wanting to see her again and thought she would hang on till I got here. She always made me feel so loved and special. I was blessed to have her in my life, even in the small role she played for me.
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