It started about 12 years ago.
In March of 2000, me and my husband had a twelve week live ectopic pregnancy which resulted in the loss of both of my fallopian tubes. The sadness at the loss of our baby sent me reeling. The next two years were some of the toughest of my life. I had to grieve for the loss of my baby as well as the loss of my fertility. I was told that adoption, in-vitro fertilization, or living child free were my only choices. I decided to go down the path of in-vitro since I wasn't able to let go of the genetic link at that time. I became obsessed with having a baby, at whatever cost. My incredible niece, who had never had trouble with conception or childbirth, watched my plight with great intensity and compassion. She saw the difficulties that I had with such empathy. She knew that her ability to have children so easily was unusual and she always wondered how she could help others who battled infertility.
Every in-vitro cycle would bring new hope for me. I would begin giving myself two shots a day, then it would increase to 4. Daily Doctor visits were the norm. Thousands of dollars were spent and four of the five times, it failed. The emotional toll was much higher than the physical or financial toll. When I finally became pregnant, and knew I was getting my entire family at once, I was so glad to be finished with in-vitro! Jen easily became pregnant at the same time and we delivered our babies three weeks apart. Again, she knew of my difficulties and truly felt for the pain I had been through.
Fast Forward
Last year, Jen started down the road of in-vitro fertilization, complete with shots and frequent doctor visits. She went through a battery of tests to make sure that she was completely healthy and that her uterus was perfect.
The first cycle was cancelled due to her poor uterine lining. Something that was very shocking for her since she had conceived all 4 of her children so easily. She felt terrible and began wondering if there was something wrong with her (welcome to the IVF roller coaster.) Embryos were frozen and Jen was told to wait another cycle. She went into the next cycle praying for a better outcome. Fortunately, all went well. Finally, after a journey that had begun five months prior, the frozen embryos were thawed and transferred into Jen's happy uterus.
She became pregnant. Morning sickness, fatigue, weight gain, aches and pains became her life. But life also meant getting to know the little body inside her, forming a bond, and falling in love. For 39 weeks, she cared for this little human 24 hours a day 7 days a week.
And then....
Two weeks ago, baby boy "M" was born. Safe, healthy, and very much loved by Jen.
She then handed sweet baby "M" to his parents. You see, the embryo that was placed in her body was not genetically hers. She had agreed to help another family experience the joy of a newborn child. She had sacrificed more than a year of her life trying to become pregnant, being pregnant, and delivering a wonderful, perfect baby.
In the weeks since, the emotions have been somewhat of a train wreck. I can really only speak for myself but I have felt a bit of a loss. Even with the prior knowledge that this child would not be living in our family, he is still missed. I assume that Jen's emotions are raw. You cannot put that much work and love into something and not be changed for life. I can only imagine how it felt to watch baby "M" leave the hospital into the arms of a wonderful family who loves him dearly and are incredibly grateful for the gift of his life. Bittersweet I suppose. Although she always knew that the baby was not hers, and she didn't want to bring him home, she couldn't help but fall in love with him and misses him dearly. But, she also feels such a sense of accomplishment and joy for being able to help create a darling little family. He will always have a little piece of her heart.
I feel blessed to have been witness to such an amazingly unselfish act. There must be a very special place in heaven for people like Jen.
God bless you my sweet niece.
