Sunday, May 3, 2009

Family....The New "F" Word?




As the weather gets warmer and the days get longer, I spend more time out in my beautiful yard. Gardening has always been one of my favorite things to do, I always feel a little more sane after spending a few hours out in God's great art project. I really like having an opportunity to really think about who I am, how I feel about many different topics, what kind of a mother I want to be to my children, and what I need to do to be a better wife to my incredible husband. Sometimes I'm just deep in thought about how much I love my life, other times, I'm having a political rant in my head.
Today, while planting my nasturtiums and pulling weeds, I really had some time to dissect a recent news segment that really caused me to wonder how we've gone so terribly wrong as a society. The discussion was about whether or not you should lend money to family in today's crumbling economy. Three financial "experts" all weighed in on how, and when, it is appropriate to lend to family. All of them recommended having contracts drawn up, signed in blood, and notarized. They even went so far as to suggest hiring a third party company to facilitate the loan thus relieving you of the job of collecting on the debt should it go unpaid. (WOW, I wonder what that costs?) All three suggested caution in making sure that the need for the loan was genuine and that it was being used for something appropriate. (Hey, where are these people when Uncle Sam is asking me for more money?)

Ummmmm, forgive me but did I miss something??? I thought we were discussing FAMILY here. You know, those people for which we have been given the duty to look out for, care for, and love? I didn't realize that family had become the new "F" word. Goodness, I can't imagine asking my sister for a loan only to find that she would require interest and a strict repayment plan complete with late fees and penalties. Do you bring that up before or after the blood oath and pinky swear?? Honestly, forget the contracts and never loan money to family that you can't afford to give away. Otherwise you're just setting yourself up to allow the almighty dollar to cause pain, anguish and ruin relationships. And before you go off thinking I'm all Pollyanna and have to remind me that many people have family members out there who will take advantage of anybody, including their own mother, let me say that I get it. I also think it's pretty sad that those individuals have forgotten their duties to their families and think it is OK to use and abuse the people with whom they will always have an unbreakable bond.
The way I see it, I believe that everything we have was given to us by a higher authority and doesn't really "belong" to us anyway. If your family needs help, and you have the means to do so, then I think you ought to help. Pretty simple huh? I also happen to believe that unless we get back to the basics of helping those who are closest to us, the government will just continue to spiral out of control. You see, the government has been bailing out failed family systems for years, now it's extending itself to bailing out failed corporations. Just think of how much better off we could all be if we simply took care of our families first.

Imagine this: if we would help our family members during times of financial hardship, instead of them going on some type of public assistance, there would be much less need for the government to involuntarily take your money, filter it through a maze of terrible management and then eventually give it to your family member anyway. I can only imagine how much of our money is wasted in government systems that are poorly managed and completely inefficient. I can hand my brother $100 and know that he got every penny. I hand the government $100 and I have no idea where it goes.

The same could be true when dealing with this country's health care crisis. I take my kids to a pediatrician who has never had health insurance, he doesn't believe in it. He takes the money that he would be shelling out to insurance companies every month and puts it into a savings account, as does most of his close and extended family members. If he needs medical care, he pays cash. When asked what he would do in the event something catastrophic happened his response was, "then we all come together as a family and pay the bill." Wow, what a concept. (Notice how they don't treat family like an "F" word?) Think of how much money could be saved (again) by bypassing a system that is (again) poorly managed and completely inefficient. A system that spends billions and billions of dollars paying for billing, collections, management, offices, vehicles and all kinds of things that have absolutely no actual impact on your healthcare. It makes me wonder just how many pennies out of a dollar actually go to your doctor, nurse, hospital, pharmacy or anything else directly linked to your care. And if the private sector has managed to mess this up so badly, I can only imagine what a fiasco a bunch of politicians could make of it. (OK, so now I just scared myself.)

I can think of many other ways that as a society we've really gotten away from the basic unit of family but that will take another day (or longer) of gardening to sort out, and a whole other post. Maybe another time I'll re-visit the topic of family is not an "F" word.

Well, if you were just looking for a short little update on the quads, sorry to have gone off on my political soapbox. I'd love to hear your opinion though so feel free to share....Just be nice please!

Bet you're glad the forecast for tomorrow is rain.

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